In Memory of the Empire: Ludwig's Struggle for Understanding of Self
by wyrdwolf77
Summary: "Gilbert Beilschmidt knew the only way to maintain his military might would be to have it continue on after him. His younger brother, Ludwig, was still young, and struggling to create a name for himself. In the frenzy of conquest and power, Gilbert didn't think about the effect this could have on the comparable young boy."


In Memory of the Empire: Ludwig's Struggle for Understanding of Self  
Part 1

Gilbert Beilschmidt knew the only way to maintain his military might would be to have it continue on after him. His younger brother, Ludwig, was still young, and struggling to create a name for himself. In the frenzy of conquest and power, Gilbert didn't think about the effect this could have on the comparable young boy. It never occurred to him that the lessons he was teaching Ludwig could lead to his own downfall, and the economic and political slump of his brother. It never occurred to him that other countries would take advantage of his naivety; causing him to harden into a true militant. All he knew was that he was the great Prussia, led by the Kaiser, and he would bring all to greatness by all means necessary.

Ludwig often would go to Roderich's house, more so to visit Elizabeta than anyone. Elizabeta had taught him things beyond military and might; things Prussia never thought about anymore. Ludwig was often quite lonely, wishing that he and his brother could live together again, or that he could have a companion of his own. He envied Roderich and Elizabeta's marriage and would often watch them sit together at the piano; the sweet symphony of their love engulfing him in a bottomless lake of empty catastrophe. His depression grew and grew, and often he would reach mentally towards the sieve that was his past; only to come out remembering less than he did before. His time before he was who he was now was a mystery. He wasn't truly young, but his past had died, and become who he was now. Unbeknownst to Ludwig, he was what was left of the Holy Roman Empire. His brother had enforced such strict militant views to prevent his downfall again; despite knowing all the powers would eventually fall, but being unable bear it. He thought that if he and Ludwig joined hands that they could be the strong and immortal powers holding Europe in balance. Never again would Ludwig know pain and heartbreak; never would the German empire crumble. Gilbert and Ludwig united, only to fall apart.

Ludwig was often the scapegoat for all that went wrong in Europe; being forced to pay reparations, take the blame, and hold the shame. The other powers often excluded him or oppressed him after Gilbert was gone, making him appear as a recluse. He found friendship during the First World War through Feliciano Vargas, who only betrayed him. His heart hurt and hardened, he began to drink more heavily. The bottomless supply of beer and vodka did little to quell the shards that stuck in his being. Feliciano had been his first friend and his only companion since his brother had given up everything to try to build something that would only fall.

Roderich often wanted little to do with him, especially after Elizabeta left him. The pain within him was evident; similar to the struggle Gilbert often expressed when she was around. Ludwig often asked if he fancied her, to which he would only give a sad smile and go back to another time when things were simpler. He would tell stories of the Hungarian empire; oh such stories they were. Of the ferocity Elizabeta exhibited, of the comical struggle of gender she had experienced, of pain and passion, and of much love. He had loved her so much, and he had never gotten the chance to tell her. She was his companion, his best friend, his first love, his everything. He would often tell Ludwig, "Don't ever get close to anyone, we are all we have". Elizabeta had become married to Roderich, something Prussia grew to contend with as best as he could. Elizabeta quickly lost her boyish demeanor, changing in excess for this man, Roderich, she had grown to love, saying no to hunting trips that had once filled their days at a more light hearted time in Europe. Gilbert had been to her all he could be, and above all a protector, but she didn't need him; didn't want him. Not now that she had found a love of her own. If only he could have lived to see nationalism and strife tear their marriage apart. Ludwig couldn't help but think Gilbert wouldn't have been happy though. He wouldn't have wanted Elizabeta to know any pain, not even if it would bring a small amount of joy to him.

All of this was what Ludwig thought about on cold summer nights as he drank his alcohol to excess in a response to the darkness growing inside of him. All of this is what he thought about when he kneeled on Gilbert's grave and cried tears of words left unsaid. All of this is what he thought of when the other powers neglected, blamed, and victimized him. This is what he thought about on those nights when he couldn't sleep. Those nights when giving up seemed easiest. Gilbert's memory is what kept him going.

For the first time, in World War 2, Ludwig felt like he could finally amount to something his brother would be proud of. Strange pieces of a past he couldn't remember had started to glaze through his mind; filling him with a passive nostalgia that he couldn't cling to as hard as he tried. Before Feliciano had betrayed him, Ludwig often questioned his sexual preference, thinking that what he felt for the man could be more than friendship. His betrayal had hardened his heart to any thoughts of love, especially that which was to him unconventional. The thoughts couldn't help but cross his mind again as his fondness for the childish man grew. Feliciano regarded Ludwig as a protector, something he didn't mind being in the least. Their ally, Kiku Honda, seemed to suspect Ludwig's questioning, but stayed silent in regards to it. Kiku was a quiet but reassuring company to Ludwig. This was the first time anyone had stayed at his house in a long time, and he wondered often what Gilbert would think of him.


End file.
